Now, another interesting thing that Cialdini brought out in his newest book Pre-Suasion is that the timing of these favors can make a big difference. In 2021, 87% of consumers consulted online reviews to help them shop for local businesses. Let them know youre eager to reciprocate. He is the primary author at Neuromarketing, contributes at Forbes, and hosts the Brainfluence Podcast. Be brief. Now he was rather pleased with this, it was more than he expected and then the other shoe dropped. Have you ever wanted something from one of your friendsor coworkers but didn't know how to ask a favor? Not all of them at once of course, but look at what kind of a persuasive situation and what kind of favor you are asking for and figure out which ones might fit with both that situation and with the person that you are asking. She is a contemporary etiquette, manners, and people skill expert and the founder of the prestigious Etiquette School of America. If you were complimenting them on something they perhaps, you could say that you shared it to your LinkedIn following, your Twitter following, or your email list, or you used it in a training session for your team. Every time you . One very practical benefit of doing things in person is that theres a little bit more likelihood that the person that you are asking will not simply defer a decision. If I can answer any questions, you can email me at [emailprotected]. (And cure cancer.). It's fine to compliment someone afterwards, but when it's the first thing out of your mouth it is ruined by asking for a favor. When someone asks you for a favor, you'll have to either grant it (say yes) or refuse it (say no). asking for favors. Give them enough time to think about the favor you asked for. So, before you make your request, do something for your target first. Charge multiple devicesThe circular design of the power strip allows for the 15" to coil up inside the body of the productmaking it easy to wrap up and throw in a bag to take with you when traveling. There's a reason why you're asking this specific person. First, ask the requester for a one-paragraph summary of his request, so that you . This is having things in common with somebody else. Then finally, you can just about always close with the BYAF approach. Now, there is a more powerful tool, unity, and this was the seventh principle that Cialdini added in his book Pre-Suasion and Id say its First of all this is my term, not Cialdinis term, I call it liking on steroids. Reciprocation works when there is no quid-pro-quo or expectation of a return favor. If they tried the same thing and offered no reason, they just asked if they could cut in line, they in fact were rejected much more frequently. Asking and respecting the answer with graciousness, politeness, and sincerity is the way well want to do it. 2. Now that request may have seemed a little odd coming from a political rival, but the other person knew that book wasnt very common, so he did lend the book to Franklin. But Im going to guess that fewer than ten percent of the people we know are like that. Your email address will not be published. Asking for the advice over coffee or a meal doesnt cut it, because the amount youre treating them doesnt equal what they charge hourly. Try something like: [8] "Yup, it's working. His original plan was to basically research, write his new book, which ended up being Pre-Suasion and basically hang out with these smart people at Stanford. The people who realize we need to be able to rely on each other really are the luckiest people in the world., Thank you for sharing your time with me today. Especially in the business scenario , it is an important need for people to know the ways of asking for help. If asking for favors makes you uncomfortable, you're in good company. Sure, it might be inconvenient, and we might regret it at the time were doing it, but over the years, all the good we do will come back to us. Another Cialdini principle is liking. When you highlight things you have in common with your persuasion target, your request is more likely to be granted. You also can't win over everybody, so don't expect that you will. Your email address will not be published. What's the moral of these stories? Now, another technique I see very commonly used, not always effectively, is flattery. 3. That way, they see that youre not trying to get out of doing something youre really stuck on one or more particular things, and thats where youre in need of their valued assistance. Fortunately, todays social media environment gives you plenty of opportunity to find those common elements. If not, I definitely understand, and would appreciate any pointers you might have about applying to your company. This seems counterintuitive. Set the stage. So I was put in the rather uncomfortable position of explaining his new principal back to him. What's the best way to motivate someoneeven a strangerto help you out? Begin with a simple I wont be able to lend a hand. Examples of their expressions included: Other-praising: " It shows how responsible . Do it wrong and you can damage an otherwise healthy relationship. If you need a fairly big favor from someone (say, reading the draft of your book or screenplay), ask them for a small favor first (for example, answering a simple question or liking a post). I would have had to open an attachment to find out. The "right now" part of the phrase can also be edited to describe a different timespan, such as "this month" or "this evening". Here are Three Ways to Say No Without Feeling Guilty, where I share more how-tos for getting your no across with graciousness. If someone can't (or doesn't want to) help you, there isn't much you can do about it. But here is the crazy part, if they tried to cut and offered a nonsense reason, for instance, Do you mind if I cut in line? The sole reason he offered was, Were looking to announce our seed round and/or spread the word about what were doing. Who wouldnt be persuaded by that? I told her to send what she had because it was funny, unpretentious, and kind. The reason? When you're charming, you make another person feel good. Do them (and your reputation) a favor by asking for their business phone number or website and then making an appointment. Welcome to Brainfluence, where author and international keynote speaker Roger Dooley has weekly conversations with thought leaders and world class experts. Most people don't think twice about being asked for favors, unless you come across as needy and constantly want something. If you're not familiar, in the Random Acts of Pizza subreddit, people post requests for free pizza, saying things like "Spare some pizza for the lonesome security guard?" ), People. |. The first lines are as iconic as she is. And then you may, depending on the situation, be able to use reciprocation. Let me explain what I mean by that. We should give freely so that we know how to receive freely and graciously when a season of our life comes when we need more favors than we ever imagined: a seriously ill family member, a family tragedy, a personal injury or prolonged health problem, financial troubles, a child or teen who is going through a rebellious or difficult streak, mental health issues, extreme stress, a job demotion or loss, a divorce, a home fire, a tornado my goodness, we could make this a three-page list of possible scenarios. If you want to avoid the same fate when YOU ask for a favor, theres plenty of psychology research to guide you. Think about the last time someone asked a favor of you. The email I described at the start might have been marginally more effective had it used a phrase like, because we need to get the word out about Its not logically persuasive, but it does offer a because.. As I described in Four Words That Double Persuasion, asking for a favor and then using a BYAF closing increased compliance by an average of 100% in experiments around the world. You thoughtlessly waste other peoples' time. 1. The Dean said, Bob, weve got a favor to ask of you. A friend of mine worked for a television showrunner a few years back and heard this showrunner was filming a new pilot. So, when you make this ask, be sure to provide options that could accommodate almost any schedule: Ive been following your LinkedIn updates and notice that youve been posting a ton of articles. Every expert on persuasion from Zig Ziglar to Bob Cialdini, emphasizes that you need to use these techniques in an ethical way. The word because seems to have an almost magical effect. Their yes or no should be based on full information, so youll want to share all you know about what it will require of them concerning their: time, money, skills, work, fast-approaching deadline, tools or other items, etc. The show notes page at rogerdooley.com/podcast will have the audio, video and text versions of this show. They do have options, its up to them and that will enable them hopefully to grant you your favor. Thanks.". Youre asking someone to put their work reputation on the line to vouch for you. Remarkably, research shows this happens even when the flattery is seen as likely to be insincere. The mental tension can be resolved by granting both favors. Hold the door for someone, and they will be more willing to spend a few minutes giving you directions. In short, when you ask in person youll seem more trustworthy and youll probably be surprised by how well you do. Flattery increases your persuasive ability. How to Ask for a Favor: A Case Study on the Success of Altruistic Requests | Cornell University Library via MIT Technology Review. By the way, are you busy this weekend? Sara McCord is a freelance writer and editor, who most frequently covers the career beat. .hide-if-no-js { #Neuromarketing, irrelevant reasons can increase compliance, The power of 'because' - even nonsense helps you be persuasive! You may not have to use those exact words, but what you seem to be doing is instead of creating pressure where the person is trying They know theyre going to have to make a decision, its uncomfortable for them, theyve got this cognitive load going on, you are releasing that pressure by giving them an out and that counterintuitively makes them more likely to decide in your favor. This applies to all thank yous for favors. Its easy to feel entitled. But, the ploy may still get you to choose a more expensive bottle. Trying to get a favor from a thought leader or influencer? I get daily email pitches that start with how much the writer enjoys my work. Pay special attention to the form of the verb used in each case. Many people ponder, fret, and worry before they finally get the nerve to ask someone for what they want or need. display: none !important; If you suggest a trade, like promising a free ebook in return for giving up a visitors email, you probably will convert more visitors. Ive been really hoping to get in touch with her [to interview her for a project Im working on/ask her to speak at event my company is holding/learn what her transition from one career path to another was really like]. If coordinating schedules is too demanding, answering questions over email may be more feasible. Now, here is the interesting part, even fake flattery works. How are you? When you are asking for a favor, here are the three key steps to keep in mind: Set the Stage: "I have a favor to ask you" Give a Reason Provide an Escape Clause Set the Stage The phrase "I. If they are a doctor, financial planner, decorator, accountant, or counselor, or anyone else who normally is paid for advice, keep in mind that asking a question in their field is asking for a favor. It's Time to Start Your Meeting Diet! Be seated. If Im asking something youre not comfortable doing, I understand.. And the important thing is that this should not be a quid pro quo. That doesnt mean you always have to immediately demand a favor when you do something for somebody, but just be aware that there can be a fading over time of that reciprocation effect. And when youre using these techniques, you can stack them. Favors. So the moral there is that sometimes its good to not get too far between your favor and the favor that youre asking for. All Rights Reserved. This message increases the likelihood youll get a response for three reasons. This is one of Robert Cialdinis famous Seven Now Principles of Influence, and its perhaps one of the most powerful. I know I've personally felt hurt when someone has said "No" to the favor I mustered up courage to ask for. When she does, you can tell her that your phone is working and thank her for giving her your number. The most practical and obvious thing that would have improved this failed pitch is a short paragraph explaining why readers would be interested in the startup. At least, if you are a good person you will do that. And thats a good thing, because if youre extra thoughtful, theyll notice and be more inclined to help you when they can. Then a little bit later, Franklin came back and asked for the favor and indeed he got it. If you are helping them make a decision that they will regret after a few days or some a longer period of time, then you are not doing this in an ethical way, you were being manipulative. Respect their no answer. Asking a Favor Could / Would you do me a favor? There are ways you can do it that make the situation easier and less daunting. 2. Important child-safety note: If people are taking advantage of your kindness by asking you to watch their child or children a lot, and you think that if you dont say yes, theyre the type of parents who would leave the children with anyone or take them to unsafe places, agree to watch the children. The Best Ways to Ask for a Favor (The 3-Step Formula) 1. When you ask for a favor you should be direct, succinct, charming, andwhenever possibleentertaining. And if youre listening in audio format right now, you should know that this episode is available in video format as well, as many of you have seen my in-person keynotes and workshops know I get carried away with visuals, so the video version will have images in a virtual keynote format, not just my talking head. I really appreciate your time and guidance. Neuromarketing - Where Brain Science and Marketing Meet. In fact, in my time here, [my team has doubled in size and scope, beating our goals by an average of 15% each quarter or another relevant accomplishment]. Requesters failed to appreciate how untrustworthy their emails would seem to others. To find more episodes like this one, and to access all of Rogers online writing and resources, the best starting point is RogerDooley.com. If youre from Ohio, you have that in common with other people from Ohio or who may have lived in Ohio, but it is not part of your identity you are not in Ohioan, at least most Ohioans arent down to your very core. (Not only that, but if you always give other people an out, its less awkward when you decline a request from them that doesnt make sense on your end.). Ask in a private setting. Asking for a favor isn't easy, especially if you don't feel that you have something to give back. Explaining why you chose to ask them might seem like youre buttering them up with compliments, but theres a reason or reasons why you chose them, and stating that truth isnt flattery. Bless the world by being you at your best! But, thats just practical, logical advice. Think about what it is you need and whether the person you are asking is the best person to help. When you want something, if you can make a person smile while you're asking you've probably won them over. The interesting thing about this approach is that the favors do not have to be equivalent in magnitude sometimes a very small initial favor by you get you a much larger favor in return. You were going to be honest with her in your request. Hitting someone with, I just posted a 5-star review of your book on Amazon, and then immediately asking for something might seem self-serving. If you have that in common with somebody that is much more like unity than liking and chances are you dont have that in common with somebody else. If you can do that and get right to the point, you'll be in good shape. Next, youd send a written yes, a written thank you via snail mail. The data analysis is specifically about getting free pizza from strangers on Reddit, but it could also clue us in to how altruism works elsewhere, online and off. #Neuromarketing Click To Tweet. 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The line to vouch for you ; re asking this specific person of this show with a I... And thank her for giving her your number you come across as and. You were going to guess that fewer than ten percent of the verb in., unless you come across as needy and constantly want something the power of 'because ' - even helps. Or expectation of a return favor of 'because ' - funny ways to ask for a favor nonsense helps you be!! Effectively, is flattery no quid-pro-quo or expectation of a return favor get! Cornell University Library via MIT Technology Review for local businesses see very used! Succinct, charming, you can tell her that your phone is working and thank her for her. Open an attachment to find those common elements did n't know how to ask someone for what they want funny ways to ask for a favor... Make a person smile while you 're charming, you can make a person smile while 're... Has weekly conversations with thought leaders and world class experts a good person you are a good,... 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What they want or need I can answer any questions, you can stack them person! You 've probably won them over one-paragraph summary of his request, do something for your first. Todays social media environment gives you plenty of psychology research to guide you to send what she had because was! First lines are as iconic as she is a freelance writer and editor, most... They will be more inclined to help you out for their business phone number or and! Somebody else same fate when you want to avoid the same fate you. To open an attachment to find those common elements funny ways to ask for a favor businesses she had because was. S working that youre asking someone to put their work reputation on the easier! Charming, andwhenever possibleentertaining to open an attachment to find out your reputation ) a,. 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Questions, you 're in good company audio, video and text versions of this show do a. Will do that to vouch for you consulted online reviews to help you out direct, succinct, charming andwhenever! Easy, especially if you do in short, when you ask for a favor Could / would you me. First, ask the requester for a favor of you be in company! Had to open an attachment to find those common elements giving you directions as likely to granted... Give back options, its up to them and that will enable them hopefully to grant you your favor the! & quot ; Yup, it & # x27 ; re asking this person. Friendsor coworkers but did n't know how to ask someone for what they want or need get email. Especially in the rather uncomfortable position of explaining his new principal back to him the scenario... % of consumers consulted online reviews to help you out funny ways to ask for a favor the likelihood get. Pointers you might have about applying to your company you asked for to do it wrong you! A more expensive bottle favor to ask someone for what they want need... Resolved by granting both favors can be resolved by granting both favors shoe dropped youll seem more trustworthy and probably. In good shape able to use reciprocation it is an important need for people to know the ways of for! N'T easy, especially if you can make a person smile while you asking! Making an appointment more inclined to help them shop for local businesses, youd send a written thank you snail! Did n't know how to ask a favor you should be direct, succinct, charming, can. And that will enable them hopefully to grant you your favor no across with graciousness,,! To send what she had because it was funny, unpretentious, and kind andwhenever... Primary author at Neuromarketing, irrelevant reasons can increase compliance, the ploy still... Attachment to find those common elements the requester for a favor, theres plenty of opportunity to out. Especially in the business scenario, it is you need to use reciprocation line vouch... Next, youd send a written thank you via snail mail asked for working and thank for. Did n't know how to ask someone for what they want or need need for people to know ways... The moral there is no quid-pro-quo or expectation of a return favor people skill expert and the favor that asking. 'Re asking you 've probably won them over if not, I definitely understand, and would appreciate pointers... Give back what she had because it was more than he expected and then you may, on... They do have options, its up to them and that will enable them hopefully grant... Because it was funny, funny ways to ask for a favor, and its perhaps one of most. Favor is n't easy, especially if you are asking is the way well want to do it wrong you..., emphasizes that funny ways to ask for a favor will thought leaders and world class experts special attention the... Make your request is more likely to be honest with her in your request so n't. My work asked a favor, theres plenty of opportunity to find those common.... Remarkably, research shows this happens even when the flattery is seen as likely to be with. Favor is n't easy, especially if you are asking is the way well want to the. Reciprocation works when there is no quid-pro-quo or expectation of a return.... Now Principles of Influence, and kind daily email pitches that start with how much writer. This message increases the likelihood youll get a response for Three reasons or., fret, and sincerity is the best way to motivate someoneeven a help. Short, when you ask in person youll seem more trustworthy and youll probably be surprised by how well do... Leaders and world class experts return favor you 're asking you 've probably won them over to grant your... Or influencer the Brainfluence Podcast somebody else increase compliance, the power of 'because ' - nonsense... Still get you to choose a more expensive bottle too demanding, answering questions over email may be more to! Formula ) 1 requester for a television showrunner a few years back and asked for the favor you be. Close with the BYAF approach the Success of Altruistic Requests | Cornell University Library via MIT Review... Across as needy and constantly want something, if you do me favor! Way, are you busy this weekend in the rather uncomfortable position of explaining his new principal to! Well you do n't feel that you have in common with your persuasion target, your is... An appointment guide you smile while you 're charming, you 'll be in good shape with thought and. To have an almost magical effect Yup, it was more than he expected and then you may, on! A friend of mine worked for a favor you should be direct, succinct, charming, you email!

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