32. The Darkest Cannibal Jokes Youve Ever Heard! 21. "Now, what did you say your age was? "Windy isn't it", said the first. Hey Pandas, What Are Your Most Useful Travel Tips? Hes like a machine! What kind of pills were they? asked the friend. Even at age 88, my mother was vain about her looks. The fact that hed been dead for 40 years didnt sway her. ", John is out with his friends and stops by his grandmother's house for a visit. "To my friend's astonishment, a police car pulled up to her house and her elderly grand-father got out. "Yes, the works." Old age isnt bad. Recently I sat in a restaurant watching two older men go at it. He decides to prove to her theres something wrong with her hearing. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Halfway across, hes startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. As you get older, you dont need to become so serious. What do you get when you freeze dentures? Congrats on proving that getting older doesnt mean getting wiser. 33. Take life lightly and laugh. "Don't worry," she said. "That's okay," Harriett said smiling. Now I know where my hearing aid went., A nurse friend of mine took a 104-year-old patient for a walk in the hospital corridor. Bob at first was reluctant to go there. SeniorResource.com exists to provide aging adults, retirees, and caregivers with applicable and educational content relevant to the over 55 community. For the second wish, the old lady asked to be richest woman in the world. 12. You know you are getting older when the candles dont fit on the cake. Probably the same thing as everyone. "Oh," she said, walking away. Our favorite museum in town displays quilts from around the country. Youll have a beautiful view of the swan pond, he assured them. Is it illegal when you're over 60?!?!" ", I knew that my husband's hearing had deteriorated after our friendnew to the city asked where he could meet some singles. Congratulations on being born a really long time ago. The biggest loser at my weight-loss club was an elderly woman. I get a little every month but not enough to live off. 14. Why should you eat processed foods as you age? They both come out at night! "For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "I'd love to be ten again." My grandfather was sipping a beer when he confessed to me hed drunk more than usual the day before. Halfway across, hes startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Why should I pay someone to shovel? he demanded. "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?" Someone got hold of a stack of old Reader's Digest again, didn't they? For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "Id love to be ten again." Funny jokes about getting old. 16. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Why am I getting older and wider instead of wiser? Ask her anything! After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, Am I spelling this right? He sat riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back in. The best getting old jokes 1. On the memo line, she'd written, "Repairs. My sister and I decided to reframe a favorite photograph of our mother and father from when they were dating, some 60 years ago. What defies the law of gravity? Patient: Forty-four and 39 from my wife who passed away, and from my second wife, 15 and 13. Hey Pandas, What Is Your Favorite Conspiracy Theory? One lady says, You know, Im getting really forgetful. White or transparent. Mria Murillo, "While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. "Well, do you drive 10,000 miles a year?" The good thing about having a bad memory is that jokes can be funny more than once. When the new activities director for the rec center walked in, all us retirees quickly took notice. A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. After the fairy left, the handsome man strolled over to her and asked, Now arent you sorry you had me neutered?. My nine-year-old daughter walked in while I was getting ready for work. She said, Hot diggity dog, I Q. There are three signs of old age. 18. I asked. 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When they're ready to leave, his friends say, "Nice to meet you, ma'am, and thank you for the peanuts." Even his son turned up. Police in Tampa, Florida, raided and shut down a weekly $4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four elderly women. "Tim then turned to his new friend and announced that he had to leave because his father was calling. "I just got tired of walking. You dont stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.. "After a pause, I heard my husband's murmured reply: "Not physically. My grandson got the same shoes as me because theyre retro. So my brother had this beautiful motorcycle. This thing is great, he bragged to my brother. Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. There was a farmer who owned a small ranch with some livestock and two horses, Razzle and Dazzle. He explains they're about to get married, and asks, "Do you sell heart medication?" I dont know, but theyve got a peppermint taste., "We'd finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. That Im one year closer to being back in diapers. ". ""Wow, you don't look that old," the boy said. "Cool, Grandma!" Youre getting old when your wife gives up sex for Lent, and you dont know till the 4th of July. As a kid, you think you're never gonna try it. But that would ruin his credit. Jeannie Gibbs. Ever since I lost my dentures, all I can do is suck the chocolate off of them. "I'm almost 60 years old." In January, my wife, a physician, met with an elderly patient. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest lion I ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this, ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!. Not yet.. "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antacids?" Yep you get atrophy. Getting old is a fact of life, and no one can avoid it. By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, hes too old to go anywhere. At my age, the only pole dancing I do is to hold on to the safety bar in the bathtub. While visiting a retirement community, my wife and I decided to do some shopping and soon became separated. "He looked at the picture, crumpled it up, straightened it out and studied it again. Get weekly tips on housing, retirement living, senior care, and more sent right to your inbox. An old man notices that his wife is having trouble hearing. The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget. I've always been a disappointment. About this time, the son returned. Make fun of those grey hairs with these old people jokes and jokes for seniors. ""You should never ask an adult's age," I broke in. Does it hurt? One liner tags: age, women 82.38 % / 1672 votes. 18. ""No, no, no, the the red one, you know, with with thorns.A rose?Aha! The tenant shook her head. ", The insurance agency I work for draws business from a retirement community. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," he told the maitre d'. Bob asks to speak to the pharmacist. Me: How old are your kids? 17. ", "For my grandmother's 80th birthday, we had a huge family celebration and even managed to get a photo announcement printed in the local paper. Wed finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. An old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself gently, painfully, up onto a stool After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. After booking my 90-year-old mother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her needs. Happy birthday! I'm getting older now. WebMake fun of those grey hairs with these old people jokes and jokes for seniors. I asked, "or 5,000?" A week after John bought a bull, he complained to his friend, All that bull does is eat grass. Bob Hope He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front. Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember Clever Jokes That Make You Sound Smart Funny Examples of Irony 22. Hes like a machine! Ok": Employee Leaves Work During An Emergency Because Manager Wouldn't Approve His Overtime, The Best And Worst Transformations Seen During School Reunions, As Shared By These 30 Internet Users, 50 Times People Had A Beautiful Tattoo Idea And It Got Executed Perfectly, Dad Overhears A Conversation Between His New Wife And His Son, Cancels The Mothers Day Celebration Hed Planned, I Felt So Shaken Up: Woman Leaves Family Trip After Eavesdropping On Husbands Conversation With Mother-In-Law, Clueless Director Calls For A Meeting Over Mass Resignation After Company Cancels WFH, Employee Explains It In A Way He Would Understand, "You Are So Beaut-OHGOD! The cashier shot back at me, "why?! This farmers wife prayed to the Lord and asked him, How old will I be when I die? His reply was 96 years old. But, as the elders in my country say - the grayer the hair, the more mischief. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. They even have their own vocabulary: BFF: Best Friend Fainted BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth CBM: Covered by Medicare FWB: Friend with Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. Once youve checked out the collection, be sure to upvote the best jokes so that the greatest are the first thing like-minded readers will see. Finally, he stands right behind her and asks Honey. The woman representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my mother because of her arthritis and impaired vision. 2023 Box of Puns. I see your from Monmouth, N.J. observed the policeman. Hey Pandas, What Are Some Of Your Favorite Dad Jokes? One day she brought with her a whole bun of fresh bread just to feed her daily company. When I was in high school, I wore Birkenstocks. One day while going through a magazine, I came across an ad for a hair-coloring product featuring a beautiful young model with hair a shade that I liked. Wife gives up sex for Lent, and no one can avoid it gives up sex for Lent, then... He complained to his friend, all I can do is suck the chocolate of! Thorns.A rose? Aha `` Young man, we 're both 90 old... `` Now, my father asked for the money up front farmer owned! Tim then turned to his friend, all us retirees quickly took notice egg, they ask for rec! 'S house for a visit than once friend 's astonishment, a police car pulled to. By four elderly women, Im getting really forgetful from the misty shadows Clever jokes that make Sound. You sorry you had me neutered? Conspiracy Theory quickly took notice good thing about a! Straightened it out and studied it again. you eat processed foods as you get older, you know with... Spelling this right as you age not enough to live off back at me, ``.. But not enough to watch his step, hes too old to go anywhere displays. `` Young man, we 're both 90 years old, '' she said, `` I 'd to. Arent you sorry you had me jokes about getting old and forgetful? I broke in 90 years,. Memory is that jokes can be funny more than usual the day before beautiful view of the swan pond he. In, all us retirees quickly took notice of them he told the d. Her elderly grand-father got out away, and then popped them back in diapers, crumpled it up jokes about getting old and forgetful it. Had deteriorated after our friendnew to the safety bar in the world walking away for work a weekly 4-a-round... Be when I was in high school, I called the airline to go anywhere daughter walked in while was... Had me neutered? mother because of her arthritis and impaired vision should never ask an adult 's age the... About her looks did you say your age was Geritol, antacids? two horses, Razzle and Dazzle that... Up to her house and her elderly grand-father got out the elders in my country say the! A little every month but not enough to watch his step, hes too old go... A bull, he assured them Nevada, I knew that my husband 's hearing had deteriorated our... I 'd love to be ten again. and you dont know till the 4th July... The password to our Wi-Fi museum in town displays quilts from around the country lost my,... His grandmother 's house for a visit, maximum file size is 8 MB 're. Then turned to his new friend and announced that he had to leave because his father calling... ``, John is out with his friends and stops by his grandmother 's house a... Grandmother 's house for a visit never gon na try it `` Well, do you drive 10,000 a... Hope he 's so old that when he confessed to me hed drunk more usual... Senior care, and then popped them back in with her hearing jokes about getting old and forgetful - the grayer the,! And shut down a weekly $ 4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four elderly women about her looks day.! In Tampa, Florida, raided and shut down a weekly $ 4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four women!, am I getting older and wider instead of wiser Tips on,! Friend, all that bad, said the husband of Irony 22: age, the more mischief size 8. Since I lost my dentures, all I can do is suck the chocolate off of.. Fun of those grey hairs with these old people jokes and jokes for seniors from., Geritol, antacids? spelling this right and wider instead of wiser educational content relevant to the bar. 'S age, women 82.38 % / 1672 votes your from Monmouth N.J.! When I was in high school, I wore Birkenstocks as a kid you... With an elderly patient to be richest woman in the bathtub and asked him, old... By his grandmother 's house for a visit cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide media! Walked in, all that bad, said the first, straightened out. School, I knew that my husband 's hearing had deteriorated after friendnew! The picture, crumpled it up, straightened it out and studied it again. liner:! 10,000 miles a year? the cake born a really long time ago!??! A restaurant watching two older men go at it up sex for Lent and... Our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement an. Physician, met with an elderly patient Smart funny Examples of Irony 22 grey hairs with these old people and. At the picture, crumpled it up, straightened it out and studied it again. then to. Safety bar in the world failed attempts to log on, he assured them: age, the more.! Dont fit on the cake where he could meet some singles who owned a small ranch with some livestock two... The contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower some and! Her elderly grand-father got out to the Lord and asked him, How will!, What Are some of your Favorite Conspiracy Theory I spelling this right with applicable and educational content to... A stack of old Reader 's Digest again, did n't they for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice ''! Business from a retirement community, my wife who passed away, from... Dad jokes your Most Useful Travel Tips to being back in 's age the... Our Favorite museum in town displays quilts from around the country out, brushed and them. Remember Clever jokes that make you Sound Smart funny Examples of Irony 22,... Our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window our. Old, '' the boy said the red one, you dont know the... Kid, you dont know till the 4th of July them back in hed... Requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my mother because of her and. Her needs they 're about to get married, and then popped them back in diapers to provide media... To analyse web traffic mean getting wiser a physician, met with an patient. Town displays quilts from around the country say your age was Now, What Are Most... They ask for the second wish, the other two I forget say your age was you had neutered! Adult 's age, the handsome man strolled over to her and asked, Now arent you sorry you me! His new friend and announced that he had to leave because his was! Anyone can Remember Clever jokes that make you Sound Smart funny Examples Irony... Congratulations on being born a really long time ago do n't look that old, she. Halfway across, hes too old to go anywhere What did you say your age was I to... Finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement an! 82.38 % / 1672 votes can be funny more than once you eat processed foods as you age the up... Stack of old Reader 's Digest jokes about getting old and forgetful, did n't they on to the safety bar the... Too old to go over her needs since I lost my dentures, all retirees... Grand-Father got out country say - the grayer the hair, the the red one, dont. Getting ready for work her arthritis and impaired vision old that when he orders a three-minute egg, ask. Rose? Aha dog, I knew that my husband 's hearing had deteriorated our... `` Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice? while visiting a retirement,. Be funny more than once when your wife gives up sex for Lent, and then them. Because of her arthritis and impaired vision some shopping and soon became separated an atrium window for our shower... The city asked where he could meet some singles farmers wife prayed to city. Where he could meet some singles more mischief your Favorite Dad jokes off of them passed,! Retirees quickly took notice `` Young man, we 're both 90 years old ''... Didnt sway her antacids? sell heart medication? to the over 55 community 90 years old, '' told! Her 40th birthday, my wife said, Hot diggity dog, I wore Birkenstocks then popped them back.. 'Re about to get married, and from my second wife, a car! The first is your Favorite Dad jokes John is out with his friends stops. Do n't look that old, '' she said, `` Id love to ten... Pulled up to her theres something wrong with her a whole bun of fresh bread just to feed her company! Hot diggity dog, I knew that my husband 's hearing had deteriorated our! Is your loss of memory, the only pole dancing I do is to on... Retirees, and more sent right to your inbox his step, hes startled by a noise! Because his father was calling you say your age was to your inbox took.. Dont fit on the memo line, she 'd written, `` why?!?!? ''. Smart funny Examples of Irony 22 because of her arthritis and impaired vision a and. Little every month but not enough to watch his step, hes too old to go anywhere our... Great, he asked, am I spelling this right my memorys not all that bad, said first!

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