Been married for over 20 years and now I made an emotional connection with a guy from 25 years ago. Ive known this lady for the last 4 years (weve Im happily-married but am missing something. And this one really helped. Though there are many reasons that would make you want to stay, if you want things to change, you will have to push him away and focus the wellbeing of yourself and your family. He has cheated on me during our 1st year of marriage, said he got drunk and it was a mistake and came clean about it so I forgave him. Ask her if you can be present just to watch her. My husband and I were in the backyard, lazing in the sun, sipping drinks as he told me about what he got up to the night before. This is a vital question to pose right at the start, and you need to be able to trust your wife when she gives you her reasons fully. He doesnt know how to support me during this time with all the complexity of an ending marriage I was already checked out of, but living together, not yet divorced etc. To download it, you can click here. Unhappy and lonely, I tried to be content and happy whatever differences in opinions were and what ever much he hurt me I learned to let it go almost instantly. 1.1 1. She went out, back to the city, almost every other weekend, until last month, when she finally told me about her love for the other. Hi Tony, thank you for sharing your story. Also to add, i never had any abusive relation with my wife, we still have very good time, laugh and care for each other, just that i have lost interest in physical relation with her. People who fantasize about someone other than their partner may also have fewer inhibitions and feel less constrained by the bonds of commitment. Though new love is always so tempting. How were you feeling in your marriage before this other person came along? Ive never quite been able to pinpoint what has been the disconnect in our marriage and frankly, never had time to think about it as I was on autopilot flying by the seat of my pants raising kids. Fantasy infidelities are not a sign that something . I fell completely in love with a woman I worked with. You are currently in an abusive relationship and there is help available. But when my husband returned home he was a stranger for me. But Im just so freaking unhappy, and I cant explain it very well to others. Thanks Corrie for the post. I cringe at the thought of my husband touching me, but we have had some good times in bed but not many. The things he speaks to me about and the way that he treats me, even from so far, has made me feel like he is the one I should be with. He listened to me. So as I said, the key to making the right decision is weighing out the long-term consequences. So when you aremarried and in love with someone else, who do you choose? We are very happy to have you with us. Photo by Alexis Brown on Unsplash. The thing is all these years Ive been with the person Im with Ive put up this facade as if I hate the mother of my kids guts just to please my wife, but in reality I never stopped loving her and the feeling is mutual. Start to reintroduce romance and quality time spent together. The desire and attraction you feel for the new guy is something that naturally happens to everyone at one time or another. Even in todays society, it is often frowned upon to sleep with someone elses spouse or to allow someone to sleep with yours. I warn against this because when you leave one person for another, you do not give yourself time to mourn and heal from the previous relationship, and it places a huge amount of pressure on your new significant other. We decided to have a second child and almost two years ago, our daughter was born, we married and moved into a bigger house and out of the city far out, with only fields and forest around us, like we dreamt of, when we were making Plans for our future life together. So now Im stuck and dont know what to do. From that point on, you take your distance and focus on your relationship. A long time ago, he made a mistake that hurt you deeply. I couldnt take it anymore and one night me and this other girl left a bar together and ripped the bandaid off. He told me how my disappearance has affected him in his life and relationships even his marriage. Since marriage I never loved my husband. Yes, I do my duty as a wife, how painful though especially when I see the same hurts he does just by being himself, surfacing daily. It can be a challenging period, but if you take some time for yourself to heal and find clarity, you will find that this becomes easier. I cant help it or Its not my fault are things that I hear on a regular basis. I dont think I love my ex boyfriend but I do desire him more than my husband, I was once in love with him and I thought he was the love of my life. He spends more time on his phone and computer than with us. I feel obligated to try to make my marriage work, but there doesnt seem to be any desire. The aftermath of a breakup and getting back in touch with yourself takes time, and its important to take this time to focus on your personal wellbeing, tranform your life into what you want it to be, and ensure that you are able to be 100% responsible for your own happiness. Unfortunately, we are both married to others and many miles apart. Over the past several months we began talking more frequently, it developed into some flirtation and now we find ourselves with incredibly strong feelings for each other. But my best friend, who I was in love with since I was 15 has been a constant in my life for years. An obvious sign when a married man is flirting with you is when he compliments a woman's physical appearance, it's because he's being flirtatious, he wants her to know he finds her attractive. He will go hangout with no responsibility and the girl worships him so I get how he is feeling that may be better. Now that we have gotten past the potential legal matters and the possible motives, lets think about the moral and social dilemma. In your mind, your relationship has long been ready for marriage, but, During my time as a love and relationship expert here at Happily Committed, Ive seen every kind of relationship you can imagine. But he also has good qualities that I admire, like his patience and kindness at times. We arent really taught about the fact that all relationships will encounter highs and lows, and love is not something that is magically preserved on its own. This is mainly due to too much enlightenment on the part of your husband. So the decision will be considering for children life only and the best for them financially. If you want to save your marriage, you absolutely can. We are constantly being exposed to the Hollywood and Disney movie culture, where it seems that everything is sunshine and rainbows for the rest of the couples life, no matter what. Ive been reading a lot on the internet about this kind of situation, but almost all of it is about how to choose or what to do, if YOU fell in love for someone else. It'll make it easier for you to accept the situation. We talked and he expressed his needs and I have changed everything that he has asked to show my devotion to our marriage. Humans have the same predisposition. Someone once told me something very interesting. During that time, we have each had some feelings for each other at some time or another, but neither of us really mentioned it. How can you transform this vision into reality? Because the emotions involved in the situation are so complicated, she felt completely paralyzed. I both want it and dont want it. Sorry, but I am giving up. We then had a couple of times that we met and the feelings are unreal and very powerful. But here's my issue. As he talked, his face looked brighter, his eyes clearer. Recently by complete accident I rekindled a relationship with someone I used to know via skype chat and we begun talking in the phone too. I know hes done but yet doesnt want to sever the ties because of his parents and our son. I am just empty and looking for love and to be loved. If you are still feeling unsure about how youre going to get to the other side of this situation and find true happiness,all you have to is get in touch with me or a member of my team. While being away it was about the 7th month. This is where communication comes into play so that the two spouses can determine the best environment for their children. You have really good advice. "I see. We can provide you with powerful tools and techniques alongside a detailed action plan so that you know what approach to use in each specific phase. I feel depressed, alone and stuck like a prisoner in this marriage. He gave me chills without even touching me. I will tell you about my clients situation a little further down in this article, but she was experiencing an emotion that is probably very similar to what you are experiencing if you are reading this article. I want to forget and give my all to my wife, but I feel like what I did holds me back because I still feel some sort of connection with her. I dont know who I am anymore. Is there a relationship type if you want to get married but also left alone and living the single life (not so much the sleeping around part, but the doing whatever you want without having to get approval from someone else)? Hi Sagittarius, first of all, your English is great! Keep in mind that love is a choice. Im in love with a married man. To access it, just click here. Its not that he is a bad person, he is very kind, tries to make me happy in his own way, we laugh a lot because we have the same humour. I just want the guy Ive wanted since forever but I feel selfish too. Long story short, I got the job, but dedided not to take the job because I didnt want to put myself in a position to feel this way about another man. I know that it is a very tough spot to be in, but it seems that you already know what you want to do. There have been fights and tensions, and it becomes easy for someone to let go of the love that used to exist. Im on the other side of the situation: The emotional bond between us died down throughout the years, but our bond was always very solid. My ex in the other hand understands me perfectly in every way. Your relationship was rocked by infidelity, but you put in the work to, Is your man dragging his feet when it comes to popping the question? But is it my fault then? I really love her, with all my heart. I always thought about him, found myself checking on him via FB, and always still loved him and wondered what if. Recently my Ex reached out to me, letting me know he still cared for me, wanted to apologize for the past. And so we did. Wishing you all the best in life and love. My husband doesnt like to talk and difficulties are often swiped away. Team Happily Committed. Thank you so much for your advice. I decided at that point after a 2hr pnico/anxiety attack that I couldnt take it anymore. You want to be able to give a good example to what a healthy relationship looks like. I have been married 9 years. Hi there, it is always best to take some time to yourself to heal after a separation. I have nightmares constantly if someone taking advantage of me and Im not able to move. I want to sleep with him. I want to sleep with him. This is likely something that the three of you will need to discuss well in advance, and you will need to lay down the rules and restrictions to ensure that everyone involved is not negatively affected by the arrangement. They went to school together in Africa and she initiated contact with him. Reading your story made me realize men hide their feelings. I am in love with my SO, the affection, intimacy, sex life is amazing! I dont want to lose my children but my spouse always argues with me in front of the kids. I really love my friend and it was only him I loved since time!!! There were no major problems with my marriage and between us we have 5 children and 10 grandchildren that are my greatest joy. About a year ago, Brian reached out to me saying his marriage was in trouble, and not because his wife, Alexandra, didnt want to be with him, but because he wanted to be with his co-worker, Katie. We could be best buddys for life. Many times, when there is a disconnect between the two people in a marriage, one of them will seek comfort and validation from another person. Im torn too because everything would affect our daughter and our families. When I talk to her she give a me this feeling like when we were together and she knows everything about me because we were friends before lovers. Of course, this makes it very hard to make a decision especially when we are focusing on the now. 0. I dont want to leave my husband and destroy my family, but I also know that the way Im feeling in my marriage now isnt how I want to feel forger. He constantly makes me feel like Im not a priority. Unfortunately your husband is displaying the red flags of already having started an affair. Have you told him , about what you want do sexually ? Before you come to any conclusion, i would clarify that i have not had any physical relation with my friend ever. No intimacy, no affection and absolutely no making love for the past year and a half. The spouse even asked me to renew our vows but i said i dont want to. I cant figure out why Im doing this to my marriage- and to my coworkers marriage. Yes, but sixteen-years of being more of a roommate than a spouse has serious consequences to the relationship. I cry more often I am completely depressed. And i love him now. Any guidance would be much appreciated. Join The Happily Committed Project and transform your relationship before its too late and move forward in a dignified and meaningful way. I was unhappy with my marriage and felt under appreciated for a long time. In this situation, youre going to need to focus on the positives in your relationship. I'm very sorry you find yourself in this situation. I feel like Ill lose so much if I leave my husband like my house, my children part of the time but I feel like Im losing myself if I stay. In that case, you may want to seek marriage counseling. My husband works out of town and I found out he had been having an affair. It hurts me to hear that come out of their mouth. I feel as now we are acting like roommates and not husband and wife. One of the women never have been with a woman and the other has been with two before her. So Ive kept all this in. Still, the posts are very short for starters. My wife meet's a black male for sex , we have been married 20 years, she me Im day 8 of no contact, Ive had some really. Instead of condemning people, lets try to understand them. When we start to fall into the routine of the relationship, its very easy to neglect one another, so one of the first steps of restoring and the relationship is to carve out time to spend with each other. Only you can know if you want to save your marriage or rekindle this relationship with this person from your past. After 23yrs apart hes now been in touch telling how he has been looking for me all these years and why i did not tell him if the pregnancy. How long for children to grow up then I can leave, when every day is so unacomplished and unfulfilled just because I am married to someone so different than my way of living life.Any thoughts you have, I would really appreciate. Hi JJ, thank you for sharing your story. |. He feels this girl is what he wants, but in my heart he is just running from something or likes the newness of it. He is supposed to make his final decision on Sat and Im terrified he will make the wrong choice and loose everything. Whether you choose your husband or wife, or the person youve found yourself falling for, you have to commit to them 100%. Say no to telling your hubby, and say no to the hot dude for now. But when life is forced to start and plans will have to be made with this girl He will see how our marriage was good. But hes more down to earth, having this job since he was 17 years old and just live his life day by day. Telling hubby about this right now will not help you, the marriage or the kids. To work with us, just click here! Hi A, 18% of people would allow their partner to sleep with someone else if they didn't want to sleep with their partner anymore 7% would actually suggest this Married people are least likely. I know that there are so many emotions coursing through you right now because you have found yourselfwanting someone else while in a relationship. I contacted her to tell her about all the problems that weve had in our marriage. I have been patiently waiting for my husband while he has had this relationship for 3 months but im at my end. But then again, if she decides to save our marriage, do I know, that she really is happy with her decision? And even when she was alive, she knew how much ive wanted to end my marriage because i have tried saving it not just once, but many times. Because it is a complex situation, I recommend reaching out to us for one on one coaching. When my husband found out about the other man obviously came unglued and a rage i have never experienced came over him. As well as the children maybe force to cut the family ties with the other side who they did not choose to live with. I always told myself it isnt him even though I was falling for him during my high school and college time. Is it how they were raised? What if you were in love with someone before your husband but the timing was wrong. If I had it my way I would just live alone and carry on relationships safely so Im not dependent on anyone but Im terrified of how that would hurt my family. Its been a year since then. In that same vein..are there things you used to do with others that you don't do with him? 3.3M subscribers in the NoStupidQuestions community. It is not a crime to have a friendship wiht your ex-partner you will just need to find a balance. 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